What you leave behind
by gad-eshu'a
Summary: The morning that Thomas Harewood gets ready for work before he sets off the explosion to section 31, the afternoon were Rima Harewood learns of the lose of her husband and his betrayal and the evening where their daughter Lucille comes home to find the family that she remembers is no longer. 3 part Drabble fic and Not Beta Read.
1. Chapter 1

The morning was unusually bright as he blinked against the light seeping in through the curtains. He took a breath, trying to settle his stomach and clear away the knot in his throat when he felt Rima's hand slipping around his waist and her body molding up against his back.

He sighed and gave her hand a keep squeeze before releasing it. Had it always been so soft within his hold?

" Good morning." she said, kissing his shoulder and rubbing at the hair peppering his abdomen. Even though the husky bark of sleep, he could hear the note of happiness in her voice. It had been so long since he had heard her voice like this, so long since the sound of it had stirred him in a way that wasn't empathic pain.

" Morning Riri." he replied, backing away so he could turn to face her. Goodness, she was gorgeous, hair black and thick like licorice, shiny, onyx eyes balancing on her high cheekbones and a lips ripe with a smile that he hadn't seen in ages.

Her smile broke into something wider and her face grew impossibly brighter as her teeth caught the light and glinted. " This is the first time I think I've ever been happy to go hospital."

Thomas reached out from beneath the covers and combed his fingers through his wife's hair wishing he could return her smile but his lips failed to lift higher than the straight and narrow path they had forged onto his face. The thought of never seeing that smile and the face that owned it were starting to weigh heavily on his brow but they had long since claimed his smile. " Isn't that the truth."

" You want breakfast? I think we still have leftovers from take away last night but I could…"

He caught her wrist as she rose out of bed and pulled her back against him. She swallowed hard and laid there in bewilderment as he held her. " Tommy?"

He pushed her back a bit and gently pecked her forehead. She blinked and watched as he continued to plant kiss after kiss against her and soon before with kisses of her own. He groaned as her lips found his and he carefully rolled on top of her. " Rima, do you know how much I love?"

Her eyes were half hidden behind her cheeks and lids as she beamed up at him. " Of course, darling, more than anything...save our daughter."

He cupped her face and stared down at the best friend he'd ever had, stroking the corners of cheeks with his thumbs. " Never forget that."

Rima's brow wrinkled slightly with confusion but were lifted soon after as he proceeded to paw away her pajamas and kiss the rest of her that had been hidden away.

She made him a large breakfast which he forced himself to eat most of despite his stomach's protest. He took another spoonful of curry lentils and ladled it out into his chapati and wolfed it down in large, enthusiastic bites.

As he ate he watched as Rima loaded the dishwasher, humming to herself and bobbing her head to the beat. When they made love she always seemed to get more energetic and he knew he really pleased he when she did that humming of hers. It was like she was singing about a secret, the melody was there for all to hear but she kept the words to herself.

His happy little lark, he use to call her.

They were going to pick up Lucille tonight after he got off of work, only he wouldn't, Rima just didn't know it yet. A miracle she called it, or rather screamed it as she ran down the hospice center halls thanking any deity that would listen but Thomas knew better.

Even after he administered the serum, he knew he was a soulless man, owned by that tall, spine-chilling man who for all his time at section 31 had never made an effort to even make friends. He knew he looked familiar but only in the sense that one is familiar with people who walk about their neighborhoods or village.

His stomach turned at the thought of Harrison and he feigned being full instead of nauseated. " Mmm, babe I hurt myself eating all this. It's so good though it's worth the pain."

Rima clicked her tongue at him and swatted his backside with the dishrag she hand in her hand. " Ha, don't hurt yourself trying to stuff your maw all at once. Remember you can always have leftovers and it wouldn't hurt my feelings any if you just wanted jam and toast."

Thomas felt a ghost of a smile flash onto his lips and he seized Rima by the waist and drew her back away from the dishwasher with a menacing growl. " Don't you jam and toast me, you minx. Keep those lentils coming!" he rasped in her ear, releasing her with slap on her bottom, winking at her when she stuck her tongue out at him.

They went back to playful flirts and friendly jabs as if the past 10 months of heartache had never happened. They were getting their daughter back, their sweet little Lucy hare and everything would be back to normal…

Almost everything he thought nibbling at his lip as he slipped into the sonic shower. Rima was strong, stronger than him in many ways and she'd be hurt but not broken by his exchange to give Lucille an actual chance at life. He had loved them and saved Lucy that was enough for him.

He exited the bathroom and proceeded to get dressed. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Maxwell taking up residence on the rug as was his routine when Thomas dressed but he had hardly let him out of his sight since he rose this morning. He turned to the saint bernard, sighing as the dog gave him a particularly long suffering look. " Maxie, don't do that."

In turn the dog cried and lowered his massive head onto his outstretched paws. In truth Max's melodramatics were a welcome distraction from having to put on his uniform. He had dreaded the thought of it ever since he watched Lucille come back from the brink of death.

He squatted down on the floor and fluffed his friends coat and ears. " You'll take care of them won't you? Saint Maxwell, patron saint of the Harewoods."

The dog lapped at his forearm, his expression unchanged as if he knew of what was to come but solemnly agreed to protect his pack at all costs, even this tab that his alpha was picking up.

" Good boy." he cooed and went back to the dreadful business of dressing. Each article he pulled on felt unnaturally heavy and coarse as if cursing his betrayal but it was the ring that he could hardly bare. Cold from laying in its case the metal seemed to burn him as he slide the hoop onto his finger.

Thomas hissed at the sensation, grasping his hand as if he had been actually wounded.

" Tom, you okay?" Rima's voice lilted into the bedroom from Lucy's room. She must have been preparing the bed for her arrival.

Both He and Maxwell jerked towards the sound of her voice and looked back at each other.

" Take care of her." he ordered and marched off towards the door with his throat tight and his stomach rolling.

He was almost to the door when he heard her tsking him from the hallway. " Don't you try and sneak away from me, come 'ere and give me a kiss!"

He shut his eyes tightly against the tears welling up behind his lids and turned away with a face of nonchalance. " Ah you caught me! Here you are." he said, planting a solid kiss on the lips. Nothing to smoldering and nothing too friendly but one of love pure and simple.

Her expression softened and she hummed a bit. " You keep on giving me mornings like today's and you'll soon be late for work."

" I'll keep that in mind. Love you, Ri."

" You too, Tommy! See you tonight."

But he was already out of the door, on his way to pay his dues.


	2. Chapter 2

Rima clutched her mug with one hand and peeked through the curtain with the other. Reporters and their crews littered the lawn and were about as wanted as dandelions growing there. Everyone of them wanted to be the first to get the scoop from the possible widow of the Starfleet archives curator, Thomas J. Harewood.

Her eyes were red rimmed but she had yet to shed a tear. Cupping the mug, she let her hands scald against it hot sides. It was the only thing she could feel.

Thomas, her poor Tommy had yet to return her calls after the explosion rocked all of London and sent everyone into a panic as they scrambled to get to their homes or out in country where the risk of attack was lower.

She looked down at Maxwell who was laying directly on her feet with a look she had never seen him wear. " You knew something was going to happen today, Maxie? I saw you following Tom and thought nothing of it until now."

The saint bernard whimpered and cuddled closer, lending comfort as well as seeking it when she sunk down and buried her face in his fur after casting her mug to the side. He still and allowed her to silently cry into his coat.

Rima didn't have to be told that her husband was gone, something inside her just knew it. She swallowed thickly and bit her tongue against the sob that was lobbed in her throat.

Why had fate played her so cruelly? Given them a beautiful baby girl to only watch her struggle for existence and then just as she was on the mend, finally when their little hare had been given a break she loses her Thomas to some freak accident the day they were to get their Lucy back.

She peered up from the brown patch of hair her face was resting in to look over at the rumpled state of their bed. This morning was the last time they would ever make love. It had been so long that she had forgotten how he made her body sing. The way he would hold her and stare down at her like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen…

Rima's breathing became irregular, her mouth opening and closing like that of a beached fish as she gasped for air. Her chest constricted and she fell onto her side as the panic attack took hold of her.

He was gone, he was never coming back and there wasn't anything to do but mourn him. And Lucy...Oh God, Lucille! She had to tell Lucille!

A loud wail ripped from her mouth and Maxwell whimpered at his mistress's quailing, trying desperately to nose his way into her arms that would wrapped about her.

" TOMMY….TOMMY!" she cried, screaming at the top of her lung as she hugged herself balled up on the rug. Maxwell became more frantic unable to soothe her as he had earlier when Rima first came down to the floor.

" DON'T LEAVE ME….DON'T LEAVE PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE!" she begged, shutting her eyes against the sight of the empty bed. She didn't want to be alone in that bed, in this room, in her life without him. Why? Why had this happened?

She laid there sobbing with Maxwell standing watch, until she lay there with hiccups raking her body. Where the numbness before had been a mere discomfort the feeling had now morphed into something debilitating.

Rima hadn't realized she had the passage of time until a knock came at the knock.

She blinked and sat up, after years of conditioning to wake up in the night to take care of Lucy when she was at her weakest. The rapping came again this time more loudly as if they had been knocking for a while. She feebly rose and hurried out of the bedroom down the stairs, wiping her gummy face as she went. Whoever was knock again when she palmed the door panel to view the visitor.

Two decorated officers along with a man in all black stood on the porch. Starfleet, so soon? They were still moving rubble around to find survivors. She knew that they would have come for her eventually to inform her about Thomas but not the same day only hours after the explosion. And who was that with them?

" Enter." she said, stepping forward and standing in the archway.

The officers removed their hats but their faces were unusually hard. " Ma'am, are you Mrs. Rima Harewood?"

She nodded, trying hard to ignore the ache she felt when they mentioned Mrs. and leaned against the doorframe for support.

" May we step in?" they asked, all three of them already gliding past her and standing within the foyer.

Maxwell, ever jovial, was devoid of all cheer as he sniffed them cautiously, disliking the way they barged in the house and set to posturing.

She turned to face them but before she could even question the men the dark figure stepped forward and beat her to it. " We have some questions for you about your husband. Do you know where he worked?"

Maxwell walked over to Rima's side and growled lowly, eyeing the man pestering his mum.

Rima was so taken off guard she shook her head and blinked at him. " What? Yes, of course, at the archives, why? Was he there when the bomb went off? Did you find him? Is he okay?"

The growing hope inside her was dashed as the two uniformed officers behind the man glanced at each other with sad, knowing looks. The man in black continued as if she hadn't spoken. " Had your husband seemed out of sorts in the past few months?"

" We've both been out of sorts, our daughter was dying!" she barked back defensively. Worry and fear began to gnaw at her as to what this line of questioning was about. " What are you getting at?"

" Your husband is a terrorist."

She froze, unblinking, unbreathing, not remembering raising her hand to clutch at her shirt. Tommy? A terr...no he wasn't, she wouldn't even think it.

" Did you have any indications as to how or why he did it?"

" No, but he's not…"

" Did either of you know a John Harrison?"

" Who? No, listen, he's not…"

" Did he leave you a note or message behind this morning?"

" NO!" she screamed, fear now replaced with anger. " OUT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! LIES, IT'S ALL LIES!"

" Mrs. Harewood, …"

" OUT!"

" Listen, Mrs. Harewo…"

" GET OUT!"

At that Maxwell barked pushing his way between the parties and baring his fangs in all seriousness. He hunched down and raised his hackles, looking twice the size of his normal 100lb frame.

The man pursed his lips but nodded, only leaving her with parting words of the promise of return. " We're not done here. Here's my card. You have the option of contacting me within 24 hrs or I'll be here again to question you over your husband whether you've grieved or not. Lt. Leslie and Lt. Rogers are assigned for your protection until further notice." he commanded, stuffing his card into her hand and leaving out into the mass of reporters outside her home.

Lt. Rogers stepped forward and a look of concern painting his pale features. " Are you okay Mrs. Harewood? Do you need any help?"

Rima shook her head and headed silently to her living room where they followed her until the reached the archway.

Maxwell trotted up to her and laid purposefully between her and the strangers that refused to leave. He eyed them warily, snuffing at the air and growling a bit when they returned his gaze.

" My daughter…" she whispered.

" What ma'am?"

" I have to pick up my daughter from hospital. I'm late to go and get her. He was suppose to come home earlier so we could fetch her together…" she said softly into the air.

Lt. Leslie shifted from one foot to the other while Lt. Rogers nodded. " We'll follow behind you. Neither of you will notice us unless we have to escort you by hand."

Rima bit at her lip, the scent and taste of Thomas still lingering there on the skin. " I can't believe it."

" What ma'am?"

" That he would leave us behind."


	3. Chapter 3

" You sure you want to sleep alone in here?" her mother questioned.

Lucy looked up at her mother's worn face and nodded. She wanted things to be as normal as possible and sleeping in her mum and dad's room won't solve that.

" Yes, I'll be okay."

Her mother smiled weakly and tilted her head to the side. " Well then, I'll give you a chance to settle in. We haven't changed anything, save the sheets, those needed freshening up. I'll be in the shower if you need me or...if you want to talk…" she choked on the last bit, trying to pass it off as if something was in her throat.

But Lucille knew her mum and could see that she was hurt, she didn't know how to help her though. She didn't even know how she felt.

Her mother left with Maxwell in tow trodding a few steps behind her like her own personal royal guard. He was a good dog she thought stepping into her room and turning on the lights. Everything was as her mother said, in its place or carelessly left on the floor, perfectly preserved as if she had just gone out this afternoon and returned this evening instead of 10 months past.

She looked around spying a shoe with its rainbow glittered laces stretched across the rug like techno worms lying on the floor away from its mate who was half hidden under the bed. Lucy blinked against the light and switched it off, opting for the nightlight placed just below it on the outlet.

It was still a strain adjusting to the brightness of it and she wondered what other senses would seem unusually strong. She padded over to her nightstand and looked at her holovid frame. It was off, either from lack of battery power or use but she tried turning it on all the same.

Her father's face appeared on the screen, his sharp and aquiline face softened by the smile pasted on his lips.

It was of Christmas holiday, not the day off but shortly thereafter and the lot of them had gone outside to shovel snow. She had recorded it she remembered, sitting bundled up to her ears in layers of coats so she could join him outside.

" You lazy little hare." he teased, mocking threatening to throw his latest shovel full of snow on her.

She squealed in protest, her disembodied voice sounding childish as she cried for her mum to come to her rescue.

" Lucy, what is it?" her mother rushed still toeing on her snowboots as she tripped out the door and to her side.

" Daddy's going to make me into a snowgirl! He keeps on trying to put snow on me!" she tattled.

Her mother's face went from serious to confused to smug as she processed the trouble. " Oh he is, is he?"

" Yes, mummy, he did!"

" I did no such thing." her father huffed with a little too much indignity to be sincere as he held up his hand in scout's honor.

" She did, did she?" Rima exclaimed, leaning down to scoop some of the snow he had just shoveled off of the walk while her father nodded his head vigorously with his eyes closed with a face that said ' the nerve of it all.'

Lucy panned closer and was reward with the opened mouth gap that popped onto his face when her mother's snowball connected with the side of his head. Now it was her mum squealing as she hobbled through the snow to get away from her father's advancing gait towards her.

" Why you! C'mon you!"

" Ahh!" she crowed as he tackled her to the lawn and pelted her with a snow ball. " NO fair! You hit me so much closer than I did you, you louse!"

" What a whiner." he snorted, stealing a kiss from her as she laid there trying feverishly to remove the snow.

When he went in for a second kiss he came face to face with her snow covered mitten, sniffing furiously to clear his nostrils. " And a sore loser." he grumbled wiping away the snow from his eyes.

" Tsk tsk darling, put on your big boy pants and stop pouting. I'll kiss you…" she cooed, leaning forward and pulling back out of reach when he leaned in as well. " ...eventually! Haha!"

By then Maxwell had joined them, his puppyish body bounding through the snow drifts with feet and a tail that were two sizes too big for his growing frame.

Her father hooted as the Bernard cleaned his face of the snow, pushing him back into the lawn. " Oh God, Rima, why did you talk me into a dog! Maxwell off! Off, boy!"

Rima giggled and stood up, brushing her pants free of snow and looking at her husband with a grin that Lucy used to see more often. " Don't pin Maxwell on me, you know you got it for your little hare."

" Here, Maxie! Here boy!" Lucy's voice called, and he stopped mid-lick, popping up his head and galloped over to where she was seated, resting his head in her lap. " Good boy, I love you, Maxie."

" Oi! What about me?" her father pouted from his place in the snow.

" Love you too, Daddy!"

She clicked off the holovid frame's power and angrily swiped at her eyes. Stupid dad she thought, pushing off her clothes and pulling open the draw for her pajamas. She would have wanted to shower too but that was before she remember how much she missed her Father.

" Stupid Dad…" she said aloud, pulling her head through her nightgown and climbed into bed.

She wasn't sure of what all he did but she heard the nurses whispering and looking at her, caught the phrase ' Loony as the March Hare is more like it,...' pass through the air as they clicked their tongues and sighed heavily.

Everyone had looked at them and her mother was late picking her up but no one said why until they were in the car.

" Look Luce…" her mother started, turning to her before she jabbed the button to start the flitter. " about your father…"

Her explanation began to blur, her voice like white noise as Lucy processed the reality of her father's passing.

She couldn't really believe it, it didn't feel real and when she didn't cry or speak afterwards, her mother gave her some space much out of needing some herself. Her mum looked tired, not as colorful as she remembered her like years had passed by instead of months.

The lawn was filled with reporters as they drove up to the flat, racing over to their flitter as soon as they spied them. From out of nowhere, uniformed Starfleet officers pushed their way to their doors and helped them to the front door. The world became one big flickering light as they fought their way to the door through the wall of cameras and bodies.

" Mrs. Harewood, did you know of your husband's plans?"

" Rima! Rima! Is it true that your husband was disgruntled with Starfleet's ethics?

" Rima! What are you hiding? What does your daughter think now that she knows?"

" Mrs. Harewood, were there problems in your marriage?"

" Mrs. Harewood, did your husband have a history of mental illness?"

" Rima, how did you not see this coming? Are you just as shocked as we are?"

" , what do you have to say to the families of those killed by your husband's bombing?"

" Mrs. Harewood, do you blame yourself?"

The door blessedly slide close but the damage was done. Maxwell scrambled over when he saw Lucy, giving her mother a chance to compose herself once more after the barrage of questions, she could neither answer or deal with right then.

Neither wanted to eat, too emotionally drained for by the evening's trails so they went their separate ways, one crying in the shower while the other puzzled over her family like a dog worrying over a bone.

Lucille sighed into her pillow slinking her arms underneath it when she ran her hand over the surface of something smooth and crisp. She sat up and fished out what happened to be a piece of paper, folded into three and inscribed with pen.

Her lips puckered and her brow furrowed as she turned it this way and that. Paper was rare to come by and ink pens were even harder. Even at her tender age she knew that both the pen and paper were on the higher end, the leaflet was heavy and had flower petals throughout it while the ink was a deep black-blue.

Carefully, she peeled it up, swallowing as she gathered up the nerve to read it. She didn't even pay attention to the to and from because she knew it was for her and she knew who had written it.

_Dear Lucy,_

_I'm sorry that these words have to come from a letter rather than my own voice but by now I am no longer able to speak them._

_Lucy, I'm not expecting that you'd understand what I did to all those people, to your mother, to you but as a child I don't expect you'd understand the love that a parent has for their offspring. Your mother is strong and though she may never forgive me for what I did ultimately she'll understand why._

_For you my darling, I hope the pain that I may have caused you by taking away your father and replacing him with an intergalactically despised criminal, I pray that it is an ache that over time that you can find peace with, not with drugs or alcohol or use of your person but with building up and living the life that I sacrificed my own for._

_That, in no means, is meant to guilt you into thinking that you have to become someone important, invent some wondrous machine or theory or use degrees and certifications to feel justified in my choice to go on and do what I did. No, my sweet little Hare, I want you to escape from the dark shadow I casted on our family and experience the sun on your face in the morning, the taste of your mother's goat curry, heartache after your first serious relationship, the pride you get from your first paycheck, anxiety from your driving theory test and so much more._

_I know from my actions today that these things will be harder to take in as people will want to brand you a traitor's daughter but don't let them take your joy, Lucille._

_I wish that I would have been able to watch you grow, see blossom into the fine woman I'm sure you'll be, hear the ridiculous music you'll no doubt listen to by some tacky looking group of lads, take you on holiday to the seaside and watch you flail about with those lanky limbs of yours as Maxwell plays tag with you like we did when you were well._

_I also wish that I could have said no, that I could have reported that sinister fop of a man to Starfleet and go back home with your mum and make peace with the fact that I did right by my uniform and that you, darling would go on to a better place where you would be rid of this insidious syndrome but when I see your face in hospital, feel your fevered brow and smell your hair when I kiss you before I leave, I know I could never live with myself if I ever passed up the opportunity to save your life even when presented by what may have been the devil himself._

_He asked me, what I would be willing to do to save your life and my answer was, is and always would have been the same. I accept all your blame and more than deserve your judgement but always know dear that you were too wonderful for me to let you die._

_Love always and forever,_

_Father Hare_

_P.S. Look out for Maxie and your mum, they need you as much as you need them_

She folded the paper back and held it in her hand, staring down at it as if it would disappear if she blinked or looked away.

Much of the letter was too heady for her, though his explanation for his terrible deed was even lacking to her 10 year old mind but when it came to the question of his love she knew that she was and deeply so.

She loudly sniffed as she rose slowly out of bed and tucked the letter into the music box he gave her last birthday. Folding it into a neat little square she hide the missive underneath her colorful and clunky earrings and bracelets and other childhood treasures. The tune to Doctor Zhivago chimed happily from the motorized tin drum, feeling the air with a warmth that wasn't there. Lucy let it play through three times before shutting the wooden lid down softly and returning to her bed.

Maxwell peeped shyly around the corner of the doorframe, the first time she had seen him leave his mother's side since she had returned home. Perhaps her footsteps and the tune from the music box had stroked his curiosity.

" Here, Maxie boy." she patted against the mattress and he gingerly came over and joined her in bed with a soft thump. He crawled up towards her pillow, stopping short of it and rested his head on her hand with a not so subtle look of wanting an ear scratch.

She eagerly did so relaxing as he panted loudly in what her mum always called Maxie's doggie laugh. " Have you been sad Maxie?"

The dog closed his mouth and huffed through his nose, all traces of laughter wiped from his snout.

" Me too."

She leaned forward and hugged him, wishing the weight of his bulky head was that that of her father's torso. She didn't even get to hug him goodbye. She wouldn't think of it years later of what he had stolen away from her when he set off that bomb in what she knew to be the Starfleet archives after she was told he did it from years of being disgruntled, but at this moment she didn't blame him.

At that moment, she was just a little girl who missed her father and realized that the feeling would never go away.


End file.
